Until He calls me home, I'll go DEEPER STILL

This past weekend I had a phenomenal time bonding, worshipping, and learning from the very best with the very best! The new church I have been attending, Parkside, has been more than a blessing to my growth and journey with God! I have had the privilege of listening to Priscilla Shirer and Beth Moore, not only that but I was able to learn from these two women in an abundant and life changing way! Now, I don't mean that it was crazy intense (although some points really were) but it was something so simple and small that will be used in a great way in my daily life. If you know me well, then you already know that I look to Beth Moore as a (distant but close) mentor! It never fails that whether I'm watching her from my computer or a seat in an auditorium called Freedom Hall that I learn from her in any circumstance that I'm in with life! If you have never heard any of her stuff I would highly suggest that you at least give her a try! She is such a blessing upon my life! Priscilla Shirer is a new leader that I will looked towards, just like Beth! Priscilla is another woman who tells it how it is and teaches straight from the heart! She is also a mini comedian while she gets to speak her mind!

Here are a couple pictures from this weekend... not the best quality but no picture will ever capture what these women did for Parkside's Women Ministry this weekend! Thank you so much for your love and Christ filled hearts ladies, and for all that you've taught me and will continue to teach!

to speak or not to speak... is that the question?

There are parts of this topic that I myself have personally been effected by and other parts in which I am still tormented on a daily basis with. I hate that is has taken me this long to realize how strong my passion is about this until someone asked me this weekend, "... don't you think the Church should speak out about this more?" Ever since I was asked I can't get it off my mind and it quite frankly has made me angry that I haven't said anything or that the Church doesn't say anything because it is a "touchy" subject or that people are just too afraid to offend someone. I've come to realize that if I do offend someone then it's probably a good thing because they've actually thought about the subject.

Body dysmorphic disorder. Anorexia nervosa. Low self-esteem. Bulimia nervosa. Low self-confidence. Eating disorders. Depression. Body image issues.

Some of us deal with only one, some of us have dealt with more than one, and sometimes more than one at the same time. It is a common attack among women, especially those in the teenage years. For me it seems like it has effected me my whole life. I have tried to cover my problem with so many things and no matter how much my weigh drops down, I will never, NEVER beat my problem if I don't ask for help... God's help. I am not, nor is anyone else, made to crave food. I am made to crave Christ. How is that so hard to understand for girls these days? Why is it so hard for me to get it in my head?

'On the road to beautiful' is a journey that will not end until I reach my goal of Christ, in the flesh, face to face. The actual song "On the Road to Beautiful" is one of my favorite worship songs but one of the lines that resonates with me the most is "teach me how to cling to you, with all my life and all my love..." It is something that I really truly desire for my life and I would love for it to be seen from everyone except for just me. I would hate to have to say that these issues are something that I will have to deal with for the rest of my life but I sure hope I won't have to! It's something that has gotten the best of me at times and has most definitely won but there are also days when I realize the only way to win is to give it completely over to Christ! He is my Champion, He is Life!

So lets not stop talking about this with our children, friends, and youth. Let them be offended, let them know how much you care. Now, I'm not saying to ask them about it every day but to just show them that you care... speak truth in love! This is something that should be talked about and you would be surprised as how many people deal with it. I'm sure this won't be my last post on this subject so stay tuned friends! For now... enjoy your journey! :)

wow... it's been over a year... oops!

Yikes, over a year since my last post! That is just utter craziness and cannot happen again! After updating my new little summer design, I'm back in full swing and ready to enjoy the things I once loved... again! :) I'm sure you've missed my little postings of thoughts and updates that are of non-essential importance haven't you? Well I'm back to share some recent thoughts and more of my passion which God has placed in my heart.

It hasn't been easy, but when is it ever been easy? Working in jobs we don't like only because the pay is quite hefty and the reward is... well there is no reward, just a bunch of monetary things that quite honestly get us no where. It doesn't matter if I buy the "right" clothes, find the "right" guy, find the "right" job, make the "right" impression. In all reality "right", like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder; which really can make things complicated. When it comes down to right and wrong, what is the truth? When it comes to determining whether someone is beautiful or hideous, what is the truth? Now, some would say that giving you the answer would be like taking away the prize at the end of the line but for me and you, it's just the next piece to the puzzle. The truth that I have found relevant in my life is Jesus Christ. A faith that has been around since far beyond my comprehension. Jesus Christ is the one and only source of truth in my life. So this leads me into my next line of business...

Beauty. As I was driving home one night, not too long ago, I was thinking of this and the title of my blog and also how I hadn't posted in a long time and how I should probably make a new goal of posting more often... anyway... I was thinking "hmmm, why did I ever choose the title 'On the Road to Beautiful...' apart from the fact that it is an awesome worship song?" Then it struck me that it was never about me becoming beautiful, I have always been beautiful. Before my Father made me I was already beautiful. It was the part where I had to accept it that got me to the title of this blog. Now, if you know me or if you even know me at all, you know that the word "beautiful" and me have never been put into a sentence and come from my mouth in my life. Maybe in consecutive sentences but most certainly not the same. Amazingly enough, I'm going to try to change that. See, for those of you who don't know me all that well, I have struggled with body image issues and just myself in general. I was the girl who didn't really like to go outside and get dirty or play outside, I liked to stay in and play with my Mom and watch whatever was on t.v. I also was the girl, and still am a little bit, who vowed for her father's attention whenever she could get it. I was a girl who lost the translation of the word beauty.

Beauty. In my life today, that word is being redefined and redeemed from the one who stole it away by mind games. Now, I'm not saying that it isn't a struggle and that it will go away instantly. I do believe however that I will struggle for the rest of my life to get my mind in a spot where I don't have to worry about the word "beauty" every single hour of every single day. My hopes are to walk by a mirror one day and not wince at it or to roll my eyes at it but to really give God back the blessings and the glory for giving me a perfectly capable and (semi) healthy body. No longer will I vow for my father's attention, but I will praise my Father for a wonderful and fearful work He has done in me and to Him will be all the glory, honor, and praise.

But for right now, in this present moment I'm just a princess of the Most High King who is on the road to beautiful...

I will praise you in the valley, and I will make it to the mountain top!

Have you ever been on a plane and seen the white fluffy clouds that you can just imagine all the angels play around on. They're so white that they reflect the suns light but when you get closer to the ground as you're descending and the other side is gloomy and dark. It's like in time, in our lives, you know that on the other side of the clouds there is light, there HAS to be. And soon enough we will be in the clear, on the other side of the clouds!

Didn't your mom ever tell you whatever come up must come back down?

After going thru our all-church journey with just over 60 other churches in the Cincinnati area, I seemed to be in a plane, on the other side, and then I started to descend. Into the gloomy mess. My goal for all of 'lent' (even though I am not catholic, it has always seemed to run it's course as a tradition in our family to give something up or replace a 'bad habit' for lent) was to get up and spend time with THE creator of the universe, my God and my Savior. Yet as the week before Easter came, it seemed that everything and anything came into my way to get in between or in front of our relationship. Whatever it was, I let it. I let my newly found love for Christ, one that seemed more intense than the one before, drop. Right out of my hands and onto the floor. My heart and flesh cry out for that intense relationship, that true and loving communion. Everything within me feels dry and wounded, longing to be saved and swept up into His arms of love once again.

...and no matter how many times this happens, He always takes me back, right back to where I long to be. Will I let Him this time, or will I still be stubborn and try to resist thinking that I can do it on my own? Will you let Him? He desires that intimacy with you, whatever you're looking off at and not up at Him, it doesn't EVEN compare to His surpassing greatness.

I desire 'this', whatever 'this' is I will find it! I WILL FIND IT AGAIN!

You know: you're becoming British/you miss home when...

First off, let me start with... I only have 30 more days til I'm back home! Everything feels better and better since I'm on the downhill part of my trip! It has been a struggle and continuous at that! Struggle as far as my relationship with my Lord and Savior! Oh how He loves me and I lose sight of that way too often! It just feels good to know that soon I can take what I've learned back to my small group girls at home, to my family and friends, to my church, to my future ministry, and everywhere else in my life! When we're children of God we have to share in the blessings as well as the sufferings. That is more than evident to me in my time that I have been here! So much has been happening at home that I have had to leave behind and it has been hard but well worth it!

Without further delay... You know you're becoming British when:

• You drink more tea then the guy from Liverpool that drinks it by the gallons! I mean I know I liked tea, but I didn't know I liked it that much! Everyone is always enamored with how much Richard the Gardener (a.k.a. the guy from Liverpool) can drink! It is said that he only drinks water, like literal water, only five times a year! Seriously, this guy drinks it morning, noon, and night! The other day he was passing through and said to me, "Wow I'm impressed!" To which I replied, "With what, my tea drinking skills?" And he said, "Yes, I would challenge you to a tea drinking contest but I don't think I will because I'm afraid I'd lose!" Thought you'd be proud mom!!!!! : )
• You start using Northern Irish slang, as in... class, what's the craic, oh aye, what about ya! And when ever you said them you have a slight Irish "twang"! Especially when you get back home!
• You start calling dinner, "tea".

You know you miss home/NKY when:

• You will go great lengths to just get a cup of ICE! Seriously... they don't drink anything with ice here, granted it's always cold, but come on... everyone needs a little ice every now and then!
• You listen to specific kinds of music to remind you of times you had at home, and dreaming of the day you'll get to make new ones! Especially Rascal Flatts, can I get an Amen!?!!!
• You will wear a ton of layers on somedays because you think it's freezing but everyone else is wearing t-shirt and shorts!

This season of my life has been the most trying and, quite honestly, horrible! I miss home everyday, I miss my family and friends. For numerous reason's it has been so hard to be here! From friends having life struggles when they count on you to be there, to struggling with God and letting Him come in and clean out your heart! I am most certainly on the road to beautiful...

Keep PUSHing (Pray Until Something Happens) I will be doing the same!

P.S. Here is a picture of me, letting you guys know I actually did climb the mountain! : )